Picket Fences does not recommend dating and re-marriage as the means to "recover".
Absolutely NOT. And if you want to see me get my feathers in a ruffle is when are ladies who are plotting and planning to get a man with no work on themselves and no recovery. It takes 1 year for every 5 years married to recover. One needs to reacquaint with themselves and find out who they are after their marriage and divorce. Divorce changes you!
When there are minor children involved I get real touchy
I admit, I have some trust issues when it comes to bringing some strange man into the picture. I don't care if he's a devoted Christian, Pastor of the largest denomination and walks on water in his spare time. I think after a divorce, women need to be with their children and become a family. Sure there are exceptions, but as one of our members mentioned about adultery being endangerment, I also believe being careless in dating and bringing men into your children's lives and their home is dangerous too. All too often, you hear of pedophiles who prey on divorced moms.
Having spent over 25 years as a early childcare professional, I have seen divorced women bring boyfriends into their homes, and these children BOND with the men. Come on, if Mom feels she needs a man, these children feel they need a father. The relationship breaks up. The children lost another significant person. The cycle continues, until one of these boyfriends become their step-father and her new husband. With 75% of all re-marriages ending in divorce, does anyone see the potential damage being done to our children if we prematurely jump the gun? (or the broom?) Or are we so selfish that we can only think of our needs?
The Children must come FIRST
Many of us who did have children, choose to get out of the troubled and dysfunctional marriage for the sake of our children. The dysfunction had to end. We had to try and break that cycle. Yet all too often, women forget about their children...creating a bigger mess. Divorce's BIGGEST victims are the children. They are the real victims.
We have ladies in our groups that are HEROES because their children are number one. They are single and content in raising their children instead of out looking for a man. When God chooses the time, it will happen.
"The Holy Grail of Recovery is not in dating or a remarriage"
This entry is dedicated to a STRONG, beautiful Picket Fences woman who has always inspired me. She has my respect for all that she does for her sons, always placing them first. (You know who you are!)
